Text morning, we’re starting in Proverbs 14. We consider how we deal with disappointments as Christians as we look to the reading of God’s word. If you join with me in prayer.
Blessed are you, O God, the Father of all mercy. You have elected us, you’ve called us, you have justified us, you have sanctified and you have glorified us through your Son, who’s the living word. We ask then that it would please you today to take from the blessings of your word and that you would feed us them by the Spirit of Truth working in us. And this we pray and ask through Christ our Lord.
Amen. Proverbs 14, verse 10: The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy. Proverbs 13: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. End of Romans 5. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. The word of the Lord. Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, where the deer and the antelope play, where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day. Of course, that American folk song, it sums up Western optimism, calm peace, and the freedom of the plains. And there are several variations of the song, but that line, where seldom is heard a discouraging word, it’s a prominent one in the chorus.
Any idyllic place we would long for would be free from discouraging words. Disappointments, discouragements, despair— that’s the triple D of difficulties. We do not want those anywhere around us in our home on the range. They are what make our lives hard and our hearts heavy. But as Christians, What are we to do with these?
Where do we go with them? How are we to function when there can be so much sickness of heart and so little sweetness of soul? Living in the trenches and the travails of life under a weary sun is often the proving ground of our faith. Because the Lord alone can satisfy the soul, we must trust in him in our disappointments. Now it’s a fair question to ask, why are we looking at Proverbs?
To tackle this topic more than the Psalms. It’s the Psalms usually come immediately to mind when we wanna look at the dark emotions of the heart. Certainly they’re going to be included, but Proverbs tells us not just how to live in this world that God has made, but how to live in it wisely. Proverbs deals with life with all of an unvarnished realism. Uh, the Bible never oversimplifies life.
It brings reality to us in all of its grittiness with all of its nuances. And scripture tells us that sometimes you can do everything right and there are times when your life still seems to go off the rails.
What do we do in those places? How does God’s wisdom instruct us? Borrowing from Psalm 42, that question, why so heavy, O my soul? Looking then first at Proverbs 14:10, the heart knows its own bitterness and no stranger shares its joys. Well, what does that mean?
It means there’s a sense that no one else can fully understand you. Proverbs tells us we don’t fully understand ourselves either, and it’s vexing, it’s frustrating to us. Now I’m not talking about that certain form of self-pity where We kind of take a perverse solace in, “Oh, nobody understands how my life is so hard and difficult. Nobody gets me.” It’s more than that. It’s actually knowing that there is a sense where no one truly can enter into your personal griefs fully as you do.
We do experience life in similar ways. We know that. Lost jobs, broken relationships, a house that’s broken into. These are common to us all, and we have similar responses of the heart in bearing with those griefs. But it’s also true that no two of us are exactly alike.
And some of our deepest sufferings rise up from within us in places that we cannot even really tell a close friend.
It’s a part of, of living in the, the life under the sun. It’s a difficult thing to bear. Along with this, finite, fallible people make mistakes. We’re not able to be everywhere at all times. We’re not able to fix.
We’re not able to mend or to heal many things. Events happen and people we want there are out of town, out of cell phone reach. They’ve maybe passed away and they’re no longer there when you need them.
Some of you may recall the book, but into the film, A River Runs Through It. The very line spoken at the end, when this father is speaking about the challenges of his son, whose contradictions of life were just baffling to his family. And he said this, he said, each one of us at one time in our lives will look upon a loved one who’s in need. We’re willing to help, oh Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it’s true that we seldom help those closest to us.
Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give, or the part we have to give is not wanted. So it is with those we live with and should know who elude us. And we understand that. We know that truth about the people who are near us.
But he ends with this thought.
We can still love them. We can love them completely without complete understanding.
We see that we do not defer our love even in those difficulties, in those moments of frustration of not getting it with close ones to us. We don’t defer our love. We can still love even though we do not have complete understanding. And that deferred love is what Proverbs 13:12 speaks of. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
And that word deferred here has a meaning of being stretched out, drawn out. It’s not just, you know, something happening, you had to reschedule an appointment. It’s an uncertainty if something’s ever going to happen at all, whether it’s going to come about in any way. And we’ve all been in those places. A sickness of the heart where despair, frustration, depressed thoughts lodge deep within our core.
Hopes that are dashed, expectations that fail, promises are delayed can take us to dark places. And waiting on this hope, it can be agonizing. We’ve experienced this. Before Laura and I were married, we became engaged and we spent the next 11 months apart. She was here and I was going to school in Singapore.
And this is before email, cell phones. Or Zoom after the telegraph, so we were somewhere in between.
And what we did have was stacks of letters that we wrote. And one thing came through loud and clear looking back through those: the time apart was miserable for both of us. It colored everything we did, it colored how we felt. I would not recommend it. And we hear that Dumb phrase: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
It doesn’t. Absence from the one you love just makes your heart ache.
Hope deferred, setbacks— these, they’re not trivial matters to us. We know that. Personal disappointments. It’s a long list. The things that you might be like, you know, I’m not who I want to be.
You’re not who you want to be. I’m not where I want to be. I don’t have the things that I think I want. And on it goes. We have lots of things like that in life.
And wisdom instructs us that when it is in your ability, don’t defer, don’t delay. Now that’s not necessarily possible all the time, but it is saying when it is in your ability, take matters up. One commentator puts it this way: things must not go too slowly or discouragement sets in. Something like a promotion or a raise that just never comes, and it’s very discouraging. From the Proverbs of the New Testament, the book of James chapter 2: If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you goes and says, ‘Go in peace, be warm and well-filled,’ without giving them the things needed, what good is that?
And Proverbs 3:28, it’s very similar: Do not say to your neighbor, Go and come again tomorrow, I will give it, when you have it with you now.
When it is in your power, do not delay, do not defer. A continued promise that, you know, once things slow down, we’ll spend more time together. And after you’ve heard that for a dozen times, you realize it’s not going to happen.
Don’t delay, don’t defer. When the Psalms, he, when he speaks to himself, Psalm 42, why so heavy, oh my soul? And we know there are many answers to it. There are many things that cause us this pain of discouragement, despair, disappointment. And yet Proverbs, it also speaks of the sweetness of the soul, fulfilled and satisfied life.
And where does that arise from? Well, it arises from the hope we have in God. Proverbs 13:12, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:19, a desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul. That tree of life is a symbol of, of, of spiritually prospering life.
A sweet soul, a fulfilled soul is one whose desires have come to pass. But we keep in mind that this is all within the context of Proverbs. They’re written to God’s people who are in a saving relationship to him. Apart from reverence for God, a fear of the Lord, there is no real joy in fulfillment. A desire fulfilled then is sweet to the soul of the righteous.
We see that more explicitly in Proverbs 11:23, the desire of the righteous, speaking about those who’ve been saved by grace. Ends only in good, the expectation of the wicked in wrath. Now, all people experience disappointments, discouragements, sickness of heart, but we know as believers there’s an endpoint.
For those who are in the Lord, there’s an ending to those things. Proverbs 13:13: Whoever despises the word brings destruction on himself, but he who reveres the commandment will be rewarded. The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life that one may turn away from the snares of death. The, the life of God’s people is wisdom lived out in the fear of the Lord. Wisdom is a fountain of life.
It parallels with the tree of life. We live in community with one another in the shared gracious wisdom. Proverbs 14:27, the fear of the Lord is a fountain of life that one may turn away from the snares of death.
Death. That sickness of heart, the frustration we feel— you see, these things are not just simply matters of psychology. They have a moral dimension running all the way through them from start to finish. Ruin awaits those who want to pursue lives apart from the saving grace of God. Proverbs 13:15: But the way of the treacherous is a ruin, Proverbs 13:18, poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction.
We know disappointments are part of the life of everyone. The difference between God’s people and the godless is difference between ongoing sickness of the soul and the tree of the fountain of life. Our hope is in God, but there is a trap there that we need to avoid as well. Because we know these things to be true in our head, but we often do not feel them to be true. And we have that battle between our head and our hearts.
Despair and self-pity can become easy exit points where we question God’s goodness, we question God’s fairness, or we think that everyone else is not doing enough for me. If I hurt, it must be somebody else’s fault. Remember Proverbs 14:10, the heart knows its own bitterness and no stranger shares in its joy. Our hearts can ache, they can hurt. Disappointment and frustrations are bitter and painful.
It become easy then we get stuck in a comparison loop. Everyone else’s life seems to be better than mine. They got more things than I do. Everything’s going well for them. And we can just sort of get locked into self-pity.
Wallow in it and then never move forward at all.
And some, to avoid this, can even try to live without hope, without feeling, to refuse hope, to refuse to feel so that we lessen the pain.
Proverbs tells us that’s not wise, nor is that life. We’re not made for that.
In summing up these verses, One Old Testament scholar, he says, a person’s life depends on finding his drives and his appetites satisfied. The frustrated fool goes from failure to failure, but the gratified righteous go from strength to strength. And this is precisely where the gospel is needed. Where else do we find a fulfilled soul when we feel frustrated, when we feel failure? Fulfilled desires are from the Lord.
They are from a life immersed in life-giving wisdom and grace that he provides. A life lived out under the sun of righteousness, the Son of God who alone can provide for us.
The one who can outlast our short-term disappointments, even as real and painful as they are. That’s the promise that the Old Testament saints look forward to. Psalm 42:5. Why are you cast down, O my soul? Why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation. Or Psalm 119, my eyes long for your salvation, for your fulfillment of your righteous purpose. They knew their ultimate satisfaction was to be found only in relationship to their covenant Lord and the promised hope that he alone can provide.
The question always then comes is, where’s your heart? Who has your allegiance? Proverbs 10:28, the hope of the righteous bring joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish. Proverbs 16:22, good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly. Now hear this, this is, this is not do this and you’ll be blessed.
That’s not what Proverbs is saying. It’s not about checking off boxes or going through a list. It’s not some sort of self-help mode or even, you know, add a little religion just to make your life better. Proverbs is telling us in a profound question, who has your heart? Where is your allegiance?
There is no neutrality with the Lord.
We are told that your life that we have is to be lived out in covenant with God. Your life is lived out in fear and reverence for him, and that is a blessed life. There are times in that blessed life when you will drink the bitter cup of living in a fallen and broken world. That is going to be true of everyone.
How does this help us though with getting our our heads to line up in these moments? How does it keep us from avoiding all feelings on one hand or continue just being tossed around by our emotions on the other?
It does so because it points us to a future hope, a future grace secured once for all by Jesus. Our entire way of thinking about the frustrations of life, about hope deferred, of disappointments, is brought then under the rule of faith. Paul tells us in Romans 5, more than that, we rejoice in our sufferings. And that’s a strange thing to say to somebody. How do you rejoice in sufferings?
He goes on, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope. Hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who’s been given to us. That’s a promise. That God has blessed us with.
And I think intuitively know that, and experientially have as well, that some of the greatest moments of growth in our faith have come through these dark times, these frustrating times, these disappointing times.
The tree of life has been given to us by the one who has tasted disappointments, yet endured to the display of God’s glory. The one who tells us, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” The one who knows us better than we know ourselves.
When we are in doubt about our own hearts, he’s not.
And it is true that our hearts feel what they feel, but the exercise of faith— even might say the exertion of faith— says that my God will do right.
And so that means I do not have to ignore my pain on one side, nor do I have to allow it to rule me either. But they can be entered into, knowing that it is the Lord who is upholding us. Speaking of Jesus in Hebrews 4, for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Sin. And then Isaiah 53, the great passage of the Messiah: He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
As one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.
That’s the hope of the gospel. Jesus has borne our sorrows, he has carried our griefs. He knows the very travails that we go through. And he’s right there in the midst of it.
He’s not left us. And we then are a part of a, a community of believers of the church that share in this good news, that do bear burdens with one another, that are a part of this fountain of life that’s extended through us to the lives of the people around us.
We’re not left bereft. We’re not left simply in the bottom of the tank. God lifts us out. He has brought to us life in his Son.
And in that, because it’s a question then of allegiance, of who has our heart, it is a continual call to surrendering the heart in the circumstances to the Lord of glory who is directing them. Knowing that even as Augustine has said, our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God alone. And there are often those places that God will move us in to move our hearts so that we will be stirred for a restlessness, a desire that can only be filled in Jesus as he directs the course of our lives, as he moves those things in and out. And some things we’re just so grateful for and have so much praise for, and other things that happen that are such a weight and a burden of the heart. And God’s right there in the midst of it.
This is why we call the gospel good news. This is what lifts us up. The hope that we have of future grace, the hope that is yet to be fulfilled is lived out now in its reality because Jesus has been risen from the dead.
The tomb could not hold him. And we now are united to him. Our lives are found and hidden in Christ Jesus.
Hosanna means ultimately nothing can overcome us because he has overcome the world, the sin, and the devil. We’re celebrating a joyful wedding, a 50th anniversary, and those are delights that we all have, wonderful things, and then we share that. But we know how quickly it can move into other parts of life that are hard and difficult. The same God is directing our steps in both places. The same God is worthy of our praise and our adoration.
The same God is holding us secure in his hand till the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray with me. Father Almighty, we do thank you. We bless you for the kindness that we have received Father, that you indeed have given to us a fountain of life in Jesus. Father, we would ask then that you would help us to see when those moments of dark providence have hidden your face behind foreboding clouds.
Father, help us to see with the eyes of faith. Help us to know. Help us to stand secure in the promises that you have given to us. And Lord, that you would forgive us where we have doubted you, your goodness and your kindness.
Father, that you would be honored and glorified through the lives of your people as we too walk through the valley of the shadow of death, knowing that you are with us. We bless you in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Discaimer: This sermon text was generated by an automated transcription service.