Remember of Psalms and Proverbs, and we are looking at a medley of text starting with Proverbs 27. We consider the wisdom in both giving and receiving instruction or correction. We look to the reading of God’s word. If you please join with me in prayer. Lord, we do ask that you would shed your light upon us by being rid of the darkness of our hearts, that we might come into the true light, which is Christ, who is the light of the world. And Father, that it would please you to change us into his image from glory to glory. The Lord, that hearing your instructions, that we would continue then to be set free by the truth that you give us. We pray this through Jesus, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy spirit, one God, world without end. Amen. Proverbs 27, Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Profus are the kisses of an enemy. Whoever rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will still be wiser. Teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
Let a righteous man strike me. It is a kindness. Let him rebuke me. It is oil for my head. Let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayers continually against their evil deeds. The word of the Lord. Plains have crashed, battles lost, business is bankrupt because someone would not listen to the correction of others. No doubt somewhere out there, a man is still lost, refusing to ask for directions. We see that, we know that. As far back as 400 BC, Socrates Socrates gives us this bit of worldly wisdom. He said, Think not those faithful who praise your words and actions, but those who kindly reprove your faults. Now, no one would seriously disagree with what Socrates is saying, but few people can abide it. Fallen humans are neither good at receiving nor giving correction. Our pride does not want someone to tell us that we’re wrong, and often our fear of the disapproval of others keeps us from having true candor. Yet the Lord has called us to admonish one another in love and in faithfulness, and we must humble ourselves both to give and to receive correction. Now, from the start, this is what you’ve heard me in the past refer to as, What Side of the donkey do you fall off sermon.
It’s very easy to hear this for the other side, the part that you do well, but the other person doesn’t. It’s also very easy to hear this for the person who’s not here that you wish was. I’m encouraging you this morning to allow the Lord to speak his truth to you with your particular proclivities, not someone else’s. How do we speak into each other’s lives? Words of truth and words of care. And how do we receive these words as well? Well, looking first in at giving a faithful wound. Proverbs 27: 6 says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profus are the kisses of an enemy. Another translation puts it this way, Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kiss. It’s a counterintuitive comparison that’s being made. Your enemies are kissing you and your friends are the ones wound you. But we understand what this means because a real friend is willing to take to wound you because they’re your friend. That’s the moral equivalent of saying to someone, You got something stuck in your teeth. Think about going to a job interview with a piece of lettuce on your front tooth and your friend doesn’t tell you.
And afterwards, passing by a mirror to your horror, you see it. And immediately, your thought or conversation with him is, Why didn’t you tell me? Well, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. That doesn’t go very far. Like, Thank you. That was worse. But how often that can be the case? Proverbs calls it a wound because it does hurt. To be told when we’ve done something wrong and being called out about it, that’s wounding to us. Someone says, That was a really mean thing you said. And we have to own it. And there’s shame that comes with that. It is a wounding of our pride. So how do we do this well? Well, one of the things that helps most is self-awareness, but that’s also one of the things that’s usually mostly missing. We have a hard time seeing this in ourselves. Well, here are four items in for consideration in this. When should we say something? We often wonder that when should we speak about these matters? Well, we start with a question, Am Am I helping this person or am I helping others in pointing this out? Meaning it’s foremost not just about you being upset with them, it’s about the good of somebody else.
You’re talking with a friend and one of their kids comes up and interrupts and she bites the kid’s head off. Do you say something or do you let it go? You’re thinking immediately, is this a pattern or is it a one-off? She could simply be exhausted from a very long and arduous week, and she’s just being a bit grumpy. But if it’s a pattern, it’s not loving to let serious matters go for your friend or for her children. Now, if you’re not one who speaks up in moments like this, who usually avoids conflict, a good indicator is to listen to your pulse rate. Because if you’re fighting this internal prompting to say something, you should probably speak. It’s probably an indication that you should speak into this. And when it’s done, there’s this option to just to overlook it. If it’s directed towards you, you can let it go. But if it’s a repeated problem, it’s not loving to allow someone to keep developing sinful habits. You speak up knowing that it is for their good. And if in doubt, seek the wise counsel of other people. Should I say something? Enlist other people with wisdom to know.
Okay, what if you’re on the other side? Rather than not speaking, you speak all the time, you have no problem telling people what they do wrong. When speaking up, in some case like that, can be rather a verbal bully. Well, Proverbs 18: 2, A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. So to be clear, I’ve checked, prosecuting attorney is not a spiritual gift. It’s not. If you are routinely pointing out the faults of other people and then prosecuting to the full extent of the law, that’s not a gift. How do I know if I’m that person? You’ve likely been told a bunch of times. From scripture, the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5 tells us the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Always airing your opinions and criticism is not self-control. Do other people consider you a patient and gentle and kind person? If you find yourself saying a fair amount, I just need to get this off my chest. You really don’t. You don’t. If you’re one of the people, it’s always having to come off. No, you exercise restraint and self-control.
Because someone like this generally swings a hammer all the while telling you that it’s for your own good, bludgeoning you with their words of good advice and criticism. How do you slow this train down? Don’t let it leave the station to start with. Pray, wait, reflect. One of the hallmarks of this behavior is that it is almost inability to wait, to have to express yourself immediately. Something happens and boom, you have to say something. This is why we need one another. It’s why we’re a part of a church community because of our tendency towards self-deception is so high. It is so easy to justify the things that we do and even to call it godly and good. We need other people with windows into our life to speak to those things. Okay, well, when should we be silent? Proverbs 19: 11, Good sense makes one slow to anger and in his glory to overlook an offense. When our feelings are heard, we want to retaliate in some way. This is not about taking up the cause of another. It’s about taking up our own cause. But being slow to anger they’re choosing to overlook an offense is a tremendous display of God’s grace and mercy in our lives.
A great reminder from the Book of Ecclesiastes 7. There the writer said, Surely there’s not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Everybody sins. Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself had cursed others. Ecclesiastes reminds us of our own sinfulness, and it calls us to humility. We know, and all of us and say, yes, I have spoken against other people. When I hear that or it comes back to me about someone speaking against me, start there. Yeah, I’ve done this, too. I can let it go. I’ve been a sinner in the same way. And allow it to apply the break, to slow things down, and take account of your own soul. Another prayerful consideration in taking counsel, you may decide that you need to go back in to say something. And that could be the case after a prayer and really thinking and bringing this to the Lord. And if you do so in that way, you will do so in a very different spirit than when you started. But likely you’ll be able to step back and say, You know what?
That was my pride that was hurt. It really wasn’t that big of a for you. Other times it falls under Proverbs 26: 4-5, Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lets he be wise in his own eyes. You’re like, Well, which is it? Yes, it takes wisdom to discern which one of these. Do I keep quiet or do I say something? And usually we’re more one than the other. Often it’s the case we need them to push ourselves to the other more frequently. Well, when is silence just being a coward? Proverbs 27: 5, Better is open rebuke than hidden love. I put this in your bulletin from Charles Bridges, a 19th century British pastor. He said, That secret love that dares not risk a faithful wound and spares rebuke rather than inflict pain, judged by God’s standard, is hatred. He’s calling people out. He’s calling it secret love. I’m not going to say anything. No. At times, you must speak. And so we see is that hiddenness, keeping a matter to yourself, it can be a sign of wisdom.
But we also see that openness, exposing a matter, is also a sign of wisdom. And wisdom is knowing which of these the situation requires at the time. It’s not loving to allow friends to damage their relationship with others, to damage their own souls. Proverbs 28: 23, Whoever rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. Now, that’s often not people’s first response, but give it time. Allow allow God’s people to have the Holy spirit work in their lives to bring them to this place. If you tend to be a people pleaser, you walk in the fear of man. You do not speak up because you want to be liked or you want to avoid conflict. Either of these is selfish to the core. Now, like a knocking bird, you can imitate the sounds of other birds. So a moral coward can imitate patience and gentleness from a distance. It can be hard to tell. But when it’s all about my own self-preservation, it’s stepping towards cowardice rather than to the lives of someone that I need to speak to. So how do we wound others well? We wound well when we truly have their best at heart.
Faithful or trustworthy are the wounds of a friend. We are their friend, and they know we’re their friend. If the only time other people hear from you is when you are criticizing them for messing up, that makes it hard to take. If the times that you speak are always to point out flaws, that’s difficult to receive from. And in that, we avoid a harsh tone or a scolding manner. Our words are not to be a whip or a lash. With this, timing is important. Everywhere we see that in Proverbs as well, an apt word fitly spoken. Think about when Nathan rebuked King David for his great sin. He did so with forethought, setting the conditions in the time and knowing, though, that with that there’s never a perfect time. But find an opportune time when you believe that it will be the best received of the possibilities that are there. And Paul goes on to instruct us in Galatians 6. He said, Brothers, if anyone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him How? In a spirit of gentleness. A spirit of gentleness to restore others, knowing that you yourself are a sinner.
And with this, there’s no substitute for prayer. Asking God to search your own heart in the matter and ask him to prepare the heart of the other person, that the Holy spirit is both moving in you and in the heart of the other person you’re speaking to. That we then can engage one another as God has called us to. Okay, well, what about being on the receiving end? How do we receive a wound, faithfully or otherwise given? Proverbs 9, Do not reprove a scoffer or he will hate you. Reprove a wise man, he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser. Teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. Now, we all want to be that. We hear that and go, Yes and amen. I would like to be way. But in truth, that’s a hard thing. It’s difficult for us. Why? Because receiving a wound, we have to die to our pride. We know that this is difficult and hard. Further, if you are a prickly person, you’re not very good at this. You’re just not. You’re easily offended and you perceive slites that might not be there.
People will often avoid telling you because they don’t want to get poked. Prickliness is a defense mechanism to avoid these kinds of pain. You put that out there to avoid those types of things coming at you. But in the end, they actually increase your sorrow because it sends you down a path in a trajectory where the good that God would have in your life is thwarted from constantly pushing out, not wanting to receive. The other thing to know with receiving a wound is there is no good way to say a hard thing. Hard things are just hard. It’s difficult to receive hard things. There’s no great way for a doctor to tell you that you have cancer. When you hear that word, it’s going to come and just punch you in the gut. You can do it poorly and make it worse, to be sure, but hard things are hard. Sometimes people say, I wish you would have told me that. The first time you’re telling them that, it’s like, Well, the first time I tell you something is the first time I tell you something. I wish you would have communicated it already. I can’t until I communicate it to you.
But when you’re saying that, you’re saying, That just hurts me. And somehow I wish you could have done something to make it not as painful. Hard things are hard. And when we hear them, that comes to and it hints. We have to be willing to receive that. To be a wise person who can receive a rebuke, who can walk in humility and not dismiss what is said. That’s what God calls us to do. Often a good and gentle rebuke can be dismissed because the person found fault in the how it was said and did not listen to the what was being said. All of that just moves the issue to the side. How dare you attack me like that in that unloving and cruel manner? And the truth is, sidestep because of the perceived poor delivery. Psalm 141, David says, Let a righteous man strike me. It’s a kindness. Let him rebuke me. It’s oil for my head. Let my head not refuse it. That’s what we are called to. To hear hard things means you must humble your heart to acknowledge the wickedness that lurks within us. Even if your first response is to get caught up in the how because that’s often the case, it’s difficult, godly wisdom requires you to consider if there’s any truth in what they’re telling you.
And in this disposition of heart, you can learn wisdom even from your enemies. Often when your enemy say something to you, they take a truth that’s real and they wrap it up with a lot of other things that hurt you and they smack you with it. But if you have a humble heart and disposition, you can go, They’re not wrong about that. I can see that. And you then allow the Holy spirit to speak to you in all circumstances. Whether a friend or foe, God can take those words truth and transform us. And it requires a humble heart that we would be able and willing to receive that. We listen without responding and being defensive. It’s one of the hardest things we do. When somebody says something to us, the first thing is, But here’s the mitigating circumstance, or, You don’t understand. It’s just… When you feel that rising up, allow the person to speak. Allow them to talk. Let them finish out their sentence. In that waiting time, praying, again, that the Lord would give you a disposition to hear that the Holy spirit would open your own eyes to see, is there truth in what they’re saying?
If so, then I can receive it because God is going to use this for my very good, particularly when it’s people who love and care for you, listening without being defensive. And in giving and receiving correction. Here, Leviticus 19: 17-18, 18. Familiar to us. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall reason with him. Do not take vengeance or bear a grudge, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. Why do we do this? Because this is the God whom we serve. This is his character, his nature. We are called on to love in this manner because this is how we want people to love us. So we are loving in this way. Why? Because we belong to God’s people. He is our God. We are his people. We see this perfectly modeled by Jesus. Yes, Jesus sternly rebuked the self-righteous. As a faithful shepherd. He defended his sheep from them. But his words of rebuke were also an invitation to repentance. It wasn’t just the score points. And Jesus spoke with tenderness and compassion to the woman caught in adultery in the very sin. And even as he warned her to go into sin no more, she knew the love and the acceptance of Jesus in his forgiveness.
That those two things were wedded together. We read throughout the gospel how Jesus was moved by compassion. Compassion is care and concern for the other person, not ourselves, not our reputation, not what we think we should get. It’s how do I care for this other person well? And we see that in Jesus. He spoke to you and I in gentleness and in truth. Jesus was not a bully towards you. He was gentle and lowly in heart. He was not a coward to you. He came to lead you to life, to call you out of a wicked way of living to a path of righteousness that he sets before us in him. There’s no cowardness in that. Because of our pride and our sin and our rebellion, he allowed himself to be wounded for our transgressions. By his stripes, we are healed. He received our wounds in order to give us his love and his mercy. Jesus is the one and true faithful friend. He is the great physician who cuts deep in order to heal us. And when you have received that from his gracious hand. It changes how you respond to others when you desire to correct them, to hear words of rebuke growing in Christ-likeness.
That we take what we have received from Jesus before we ever step foot towards someone else in correction. That we know that the good that he has for us in wanting to transform us into his image and likeness to sanctify us, to make us a holy people. That is what is motivating us. When it doesn’t line up with that, the response always is repentance. It’s always stepping forward in repentance, and we find ourselves too cowerly to interject, too prickly to hear, or just too verbose to listen. It’s, Father, forgive me. Make me more like your son. As you and I, we live this out as the body of Christ here in this place with one another. We see then the glory of what it means to be God’s people elevated and lifted There’s an adornment to the grace and the mercy of Jesus that we get to demonstrate and to live in. We see that this is the very means that we want others to reach our hearts. And we then are participants in the great work of God’s grace in the lives of other people in this way. And it’s so easy. You hear something like this, and one or two things has often been the case.
We’re remembering how somebody did this really poorly to us and how we’ve done this really poorly to others. The good news is there is now no condamnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He has set us free. We don’t have to live that way. We can come knowing that we know that we’ve fallen short, that we can boldly access the throne of grace to receive mercy upon mercy, to live in a bold new way before him. We’re not stuck and locked into these patterns of sinfulness and selfishness. Yes, Confess it and step towards Jesus. Step towards the very one that you have wronged and confess it. That you have been given the opportunity opportunity to bring words of life and healing and health to people. Because that is what you have received from Jesus himself. Brothers and sisters, receive and give correction as Jesus has brought it to you. Pray with me. Father Almighty, we thank you. Lord, we all come before you and we can confess. Lord, we have sinned against you. We’ve sinned against our brothers and sisters in this very with our mouths. And Lord, we ask not only that you would forgive us, but Father, that you would continue to transform us by your great grace, by your Holy spirit who dwells in your people.
Father, that he would transform us from glory to glory in the likeness of our savior Jesus. Sanctify us, we pray. And Lord, may you be pleased to use us here in Kalispell, Montana as a adornment to the gospel of Jesus Christ. We pray and ask these things all in his mighty name. Amen.
Discaimer: This sermon text was generated by an automated transcription service.